Goodbye Is the Hardest Word - by Carrie O'Leary

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https://Voice.club - Fifteen days. That’s how long it has been since we were told that I had terminal cancer. Just fifteen days, and I know this is my last one. Life is so unfair.

We’ve had forty-five years together. But we should have had forever. I know we’re both in our early eighties, so we’ve already had longer than many, but where Meg is still healthy for her age, my body has been letting me down for the last decade. Amyloidosis in my lungs has been so debilitating. But this latest diagnosis really pulled the rug from under my feet. It was the last straw. Life is just too hard to live anymore.

And so I must leave Meg alone. I don’t know if she’s strong enough. She certainly isn’t prepared. All the time in the world couldn’t have possibly prepared her for this. She sits by my side, poker-straight on the upright hospital chair, arms clutched tightly around her middle, trying to keep all her pain inside. She’s keening softly, utterly shell-shocked. I don’t know how she’s going to cope, not when she’s relied on me for everything. Her left hand clasps that of my stepdaughter, Cassandra.

“Goodbye” really is the hardest word to say. I’m no longer bound to my body and watch as Cass weeps over my broken form.

She whispers into my ear, “It’s okay, Dad, you can go now. I’ll take care of Mum.”

I stroke my hand down her hair, a touch she cannot feel. “Don’t worry,” I say, “I am at peace now.” I cup her cheek and place a kiss upon her brow. I know I can leave with the grace of my God.

I hear a chime, a beautiful, resonant note unlike anything I’ve ever heard before, and the light before me changes, bathing all in its luminescence. I know I have a choice: leave and be with my God, or stay with my dearest Meg.

I take the first deep breath that I’ve been able to take in years, one that I no longer need now that I am spirit.

And I stay.

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It’s great to see you back Carrie, and I really enjoyed your above story. Yes, you are correct, saying goodbye is sometimes very difficult. Your story ignited some painful memories of my own, where I was forced to say goodbye, even though I did not want to. I am sure some of our other members like @MargaridaBrei , @Lotchie , @DeborahGoulding, and @JulianKern will also enjoy your latest fiction and your wonderful narration voice!

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Carrie, I echo Chris’s words- great to have you back writing. Your “Goodbye is the Hardest Word” left a hard lump in my throat and a knotted stomach. So sad to know that illness will force the spouse and father to permanently leave loved ones. After knowing my husband for over 50 years, I dread being widowed. Your words are so poignant and the message so emotional.

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Thank you, Chris. This was a hard story to write, but one I hope will help with the healing process.

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Thank you, Margarida. This is something I saw a lot during my nursing career, but it is so much more real and raw when you see it happening to a loved one.

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Oh! So happy to hear your new story, Carrie (@CarrieOLeary )

This is a totally heartbreaking story. True, “Goodbye is the Hardest Word”—you make me sigh and cry here. But there are things that we cannot control in this world, and all we can do is “let it be.” Nice one, Carrie.

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Thank you, Lotchie, for your kind comment. I’m glad you liked the story. It’s something I was always aware of as a nurse, but it hits hard when it happens to a loved one. I’m so happy to find the old familiar faces on our Voice Club. I hope you and your family are keeping well.

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This is a heartbreaking story, Carrie. As a nurse, you must have seen many similar scenes.

I was confused by the last sentence, however. Did he go (die) or did he stay with his stepdaughter?

Your writing is so moving.

Great job!

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Thank you, Julie. He died, but his spirit stayed with his wife.

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It’s TRUE. Yes, that is very hard when a loved one departs. My family and I are all well, but we live apart now because of work. I hope you and your family are all fine too.