A Night Out - by Carrie O'Leary

Voice.club
1

https://Voice.club - You sit in your chair rigidly, one charcoal trousered leg crossed over the other, your foot bouncing nervously. You unbutton your jacket, heat radiating from your body despite the air conditioning in the restaurant. What if she doesn’t come?

Your mouth is dry, and you moisten your lips with your tongue before nervously biting down on the bottom one. You finger the pointed end of your tie for a few seconds before reaching for your glass and lifting it, taking a welcome sip.

You look around the restaurant. You always enjoy people-watching. There’s a group of six a few tables away, laughing at one another’s tales and jokes. Looking from face to face, it’s obvious to you that they are a family, all sharing similar facial features. Warmth and love are evident in the way they touch and chat with one another.

The young couple sitting at the next table to yours looks very uncomfortable together, their posture stiff and they’re barely uttering a word. You wonder if they are on a blind date. Neither appears very enamoured with the other.

You see movement out of the corner of your eye as the restaurant door is pushed open. A tall, slim woman enters, her chestnut hair tumbling around her shoulders, the restaurant lights twinkling from the sequins on her knee-length black dress. She stops and turns to speak to the hostess. The breath catches in your throat as you see how the straps on her dress meet into a sequined butterfly between her shoulder blades. You are utterly captivated by her.

The hostess gestures, and the woman turns towards your table. A beatific smile breaks over her face when she sees you, and she steps towards your table with a confident sway of the hips.

You stand to pull out the other chair at your table. Once she is seated, you hand her a single red rose. You bend and softly kiss her lips, rain gentle kisses across her cheek, and, with your lips caressing her chestnut curls, you whisper, “I love you. Happy anniversary, my darling.”

1 Like
2

Carrie I enjoyed your story of people watching within a description of people watching. Actually, I thought the male was on a blind date, so the last line was a pleasant surprise! Perfect image too.

3

Thank you, Margarida. This one was a bit of an experiment. I haven’t tried writing in a second person point of view before so thought I’d give it a go. Hope you are keeping well.

4

Nice story, Carrie. Your experiment with writing in second person worked beautifully. You give wonderful glimpses into many faces of love - young people on a blind date, an obviously devoted family, and finally, the protagonist himself. This is a lovely study of relationships and attractions. Excellent writing, with a perfect picture. I especially liked “how the straps on her dress meet into a sequined butterfly between her shoulder blades”. I could just see this chesnut-haired beauty. I’m so glad these two are deeply committed to each other. Very uplifting!

5

Thank you for the lovely comments, Julie. I’m glad the second person POV worked for you. I was feeling a bit soppy this month as it is 40 years today since my husband and I first got together, so I had to go for a romantic piece!

6

Ahh, very romantic Carrie.

I think the 2nd person works here, as the reader (listener) can take an almost detached view of what is taking place through the eyes of your protagonist. I like the big reveal at the end.

7

Oh, that is so sweet Carrie. Congratulations on 40 years with the man you (still) love! Your story is even more beautiful knowing the significance of the date!!

8

I liked the story and the picture even more! It makes me think about something dangerous and then, lo & behold, it’s just a lovely couple enjoying their anniversary dinner and each other. The “fly on the wall” observations are priceless!

9

Thank you, Julian. I’m glad you found it romantic and enjoyed the ending. Writing this from the male point of view was a bit of an experiment too!

10

Thank you, Julie. Ah, how I wish the actual date was real, but sadly that all came from my imagination :joy: It’s a good job I love my hubby and have enough romantic notions for the both of us. I did enjoy writing this one though :slight_smile:

11

Thank you so much, Greene. I’m glad you liked the picture as well—it took me as long to create the right AI picture as to write the story! I guess I was putting a little of me into my MP as I enjoy people-watching too, but I imagine lots of writers do. Hope you are keeping well :slight_smile:

12

It is a unique piece with a very romantic setup. I love it, especially the lovely couple enjoying their anniversary.

13

Thank you, Lotchie. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. February always has me feeling in a romantic mood, not because of Valentine’s Day , but because it’s when my now hubby and I first properly met (although it was a Valentine’s dance where we got together). Unfortunately my hubby doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body, so I have to have enough for the two of us :winking_face_with_tongue: