Down by the River - by Margarida Brei

https://Voice.club - Grit filled my mouth. Lead lined my stomach while I clasped the letter. Sinking to the floor, I painfully read the sparse dreaded words.

“Down by the river…” sounded like a friendly invitation to meet in a quiet serene setting. It wasn’t…

Long ago the river once had all the allure of enjoying valuable time with nature. Relax. Breathe. Admire. Swim or just contemplate.

I knew this day would come, but even after decades of silence, it was still too soon!

My mind wrenched back, dragging over sandpaper. That fateful night when five mates met down by the river but only four returned home.

What happened? We drank too much and made outrageous boasts…Jake swore he would swim across the river. He claimed it would be easy, forgetting or rather ignoring the turbulent water swollen by long days of deluge and melted mountain ice. Idiots! We should have held him back. Tied him to a tree to prevent his foolery. Instead, we whooped words of encouragement and hastened him on his way. Uproariously, we laughed until he seemed like flotsam caught in a maelstrom. He went down. Our jaws fell and we became cold sober. We just stared. Didn’t go for help. Didn’t run downstream.

We just packed up and left, swearing two oaths. Never say a word. The last two survivors would meet down by the river.

I went down by the river a boy and returned a liar! Not being honest with Jake’s parents burnt emptiness in me. If only I could have told them before they died. I became brittle leaves blown carelessly by life.

Tortuously, I went to the summons wondering which other mate was still alive. A little delirious, I stumbled across tangled tree roots, yet from behind able hands steadied me.

“For not looking for me and for not telling…..I want to thank you. Your lies saved me from abusive parents. You saved me from beatings and neglect. Crawling out miles down stream, I started life afresh.” Jake playfully clapped me on the back, but I sounded hollow.

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@MargaridaBrei

Margarida, I absolutely love this story! You’ve built such a wonderful atmosphere of suspense and mystery. The final paragraph is such a shocking and satisfying grand finale - I had to read it several times to get the full impact.

Congratulations on some truly fabulous writing and such an imaginative use of the prompt!

Julie, I really appreciate your kind words and most generous praise. I used the prompt “Down by the RIver” as an ominous refrain which brings darkness and despair to the protagonist. Indeed, no cosy sweet interpretation of a visit to a lovely river!

What a twist at the end! So totally unexpected. You did a great job of eliciting our sympathy for the narrator, following his torturous life following this fateful night. Wonderful descriptions, one of my favorites being “brittle leaves blown carelessly by life”. You are a marvelous story teller.

Susan, a multitude of thanks for your kind and very eloquent feedback. Sadly, the narrator for his inaction suffers a life of pain and emptiness. Such a waste of a young life!

Yours and your sister’s feedback have gloriously lifted my spirits! You have also inspired me to practice my reading a lot more before submitting. So regards once again.

Margarida. My immediate thoughts were of the many summer drownings that are only too common with the mix of sun, cold, deep water and alcohol but I loved the twist at the end of the story which turned it from tale of death to one of escape.

@MargaridaBrei

The ending came as a complete surprise. A death that turns out to be an escape. Nice and very unique take on the prompt, Margarida. Hats off.

The situation sounded so simple to start with but the end was a masterpiece! “Lazarus-Jack” came back but why did he wait so long to let his mates know he was alive? Why did he condemn his friend to so many years of guilt, making him feel like brittle leaves blown carelessly by life?

Greene thank you so much for your feedback and penetrating questions, which led me to write some answers in Part 2.

Lotchie, I always welcome your feedback because you are so positive and uplifting! When I write. I may not even know how my stories will end. They have a way of creating themselves!

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