https://Voice.club - This morning I woke up early, got dressed, and crept quietly down to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. I was careful not to wake my grandparents, especially since they’d stayed up so long last night, waiting for me to arrive.
It was cool outside, and I sat on the porch with my cup, sipping and wondering whether I should head out to the river that morning. It wasn’t necessary right then. It could wait. But something in the light and the breeze made me think this was the time.
Four years had passed since I’d been down by the river last. Four years since I’d seen it. Four years since the moment that changed everything.
I placed my cup on the small wooden table Grandpa used for his checkers games every evening. Then I headed down the stairs, over the grass, through the magnolias, and down to the riverbank.
I stood beneath the willow tree that had been my favorite since I was a girl. Just as I’d done every time I’d come here, I reached up to feel the soft branches drooping downward, swaying in the wind and over the water. The scent of the water and the greenery enveloped me, just as it had always done. Just like the last time I’d come here. My heart pounded with the memory of that day four years ago.
The river isn’t blue. It’s not blue at all, even though that’s what my grade school teachers always told me to color it. If you actually look at it, spend time down by the river, where the tree branches hang over the water and the deer come down to drink, you can see for yourself, it’s a dull green. Or sometimes greyish or brownish, if a storm has stirred up the bottom. But never blue.
I stood under the willow, gazing out over the water where I saw it that day. And the river flowed slowly by. Just as it always did.
Wow Regina, you have written a real mystery! I keep reading and re-reading your tale, trying to imagine what your protagonist might have seen, probing her elusive memory. I may never solve that mystery, but on each progressive reading I appreciate the story more and more. Fabulous writing!
Thanks, Julie! I wonder about it myself. I loved the prompt, since it offered the opportunity for thoughts and visions of the river and the character’s connection to it. The river seems to be a living thing that stays the same yet is always changing. What a mystery that is, as well!
Regina, I was anticipating the big revelation, but then… I scrolled down, but … You expertly pulled me into your story with intrigue and mystery, so now I really need a part two with disclosure. Please!
Margarida, Thanks for your kind words. I made the decision not to make explicit what the main character saw (kind of in the “Ode to Billie Joe” tradition), but readers are wondering about it. I’ll think about a part 2! Thanks again.
I think the “Ode to Billie Joe” model is perfect for your story. Can you imagine what an explanation of “Billie Joe” would sound like? Blah!! We would all hate it, and be disappointed.
Therefore, I vote against a part 2 revelation! Far better to have us all curious and unsatisfied; we’ll come back again and again to read the story and we’ll never forget it.
Julie, I think you’re right. I’ve been going over possibilities, but none of them seem to come up to the mark. I’ll leave it as is. Thanks to the folks who read it and replied to me! Can’t wait to read more stories on the prompt.
Thanks, DawnRae! I wrote the story without a clear answer to what the main character saw. It clearly was something that had a deep effect on her, but it’s never described. I decided not to make it explicit. I concentrated instead on the river, which seems to be a living thing that stays the same yet is always changing. I think it brings peace to the main character, no matter what she may have seen or experienced in the past. Thank you for reading my story!
Regina, I too enjoyed the mystery you presented in your story. So many of us have experienced standing beside a river and wondering . . . wondering. Now we also are wondering what it was your protagonist saw! I, for one, would prefer you not continue the story and reveal the mystery. We all have different ideas of what should be revealed, and our own writing will be enhanced by the need to contemplate the variety of possibilities held therein. Thank you for causing us to think even more!
Regina, a heady mystery story full of evocative sights and smells. What had happened four years ago, what did she see? We will never know, but whatever it was, we know it was shocking.
